How to Feel Relaxed and Self-Confident on Dates
By Kimberly Pryor, award-winning author and relationship expert
Let’s face it, getting back out into the dating world after spending so many years with one person can feel scary. Even just the thought of dating again might make you uncomfortable.
Quite often, when you meet a member of the opposite sex that has that certain something, the quality you’re drawn to in that person is self-confidence. And that’s exactly the same quality the members of the opposite sex are looking for in you, as well.
If you’re uncomfortable on a date you won’t look or act self-confident. This can sabotage your chances of finding true love.
The good news? You don’t have to feel nervous about dating again. You don’t have to feel nervous, shy, or uncomfortable on dates. There are easy ways to feel calm and relaxed when meeting someone for the first time.
Here are two common reasons for feeling nervous or anxious on a date and some proven ways you can feel more relaxed during all your dating encounters.
Say Goodbye to Those Awkward Silences
So often, first-date jitters occur for two reasons. 1) You’re afraid you’re not going to have enough to say and 2) you care too much what your date thinks of you.
I’ll give you the cure for the second reason in a minute.
For now, let’s tackle knowing what to say. If it’s an online encounter, before the date read over the person’s profile.
On a sheet of paper write down five questions based on your date’s profile. Memorize the questions. That way you won’t have to worry about any awkward pauses in the conversation.
Another strategy—good for people you’ve met out and about as well as Internet dates—is to ask what I call “most” questions. Here’s what I mean by that:
Your date says: “I really love to travel. I wish I could travel more.”
You respond with: “I love to travel, too. What is the most interesting place you’ve ever visited?”
Another example of a “most” question:
Your date: “I jog every day.”
You: “Have you run any races?”
Your date: “Yes, I’ve run some marathons.”
You: “How cool. What was the most challenging marathon you’ve ever run?”
You Care Too Much
Now I’ll get back to the other common reason people get nervous on dates: Caring too much about your date’s opinion of you.
Whether you’re a woman or a man, if you make this mistake you’ll scare some really good dates away.
The thing is, it’s perfectly natural to want to make a good impression. But unless you go against your natural tendencies, you’re only going to bring on more frustrating dates and more lonely nights.
In fact, you’ll be wondering why your date didn’t call you—or didn’t call you back—after your first dinner together.
Here’s why caring too much about what your date thinks of you is virtually guaranteed to scare them away.
It’s because you’re essentially broadcasting the silent message “I am seeking your approval. I don’t already know that I’m a cool, interesting person deserving of love. I need you to validate that I’m worthy of love.”
The most attractive people on dates are the ones who are willing to take just a bit of a chance in conversation.
Sense of humor is risky. There’s always the chance the person you’re with won’t laugh or won’t get it.
Flirting is also risky. If you’re concerned about what the other person is thinking of you, you’ll be less likely to use your sense-of-humor or flirt.
The key to letting go of your date-pleasing habits is to switch your thought processes.
Instead of thinking I hope he or she likes me, start thinking I wonder if this person has the qualities I’m looking for in a mate?
Does he or she have what it takes to make me happy?
Does my date seem emotionally mature?
If your date has gone through a divorce is he or she bitter or angry about it? Does your date blame his ex-spouse?
These are all questions that are far more important to ask yourself than I wonder if my date likes me.
One Simple Way to Melt Away Your Nervousness
When you’re on a date order green tea. It contains a relaxing compound known as L-theanine.
Studies have shown that L-theanine reduces anxiety and stops the blood pressure increases that occur in some people when they’re under stress. It will change your brain wave activity to that of a more relaxed and alert state.
Want to discover more easy tips on how to be perfectly relaxed and self-confident on dates?
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Here’s to your finding someone special,
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