By Kimberly Pryor, Host of The Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce Mountain Retreat
An understandably hurt divorced man posted on the wall of my After Divorce Advice Facebook page that he was never going to give his heart to anyone ever again. He had had a wonderful relationship with his ex-wife, romance every day, no arguing. And then one day she asked for a divorce. He was heartbroken and never wanted to go through that again. He wanted to devote his life to his kids. To Cupid, his message was loud and clear, “Screw love.”
To hide away in a protective cocoon after we get our hearts broken is only natural. And it got me thinking. Why do we allow ourselves to fall in love again after major heartbreak? Is it really a good idea? Shouldn’t we simply spend the rest of our lives alone because it’s safer that way? Otherwise, isn’t it a little like giving the baseball bat to someone who has been striking us over and over and saying, “Here, hit me some more!”
While it’s tempting to think this way, there are some very good reasons why it’s safe to open your heart to love again.
You May Have Been Married to the Wrong Person
I know a number of people whose first marriages ended but now they have found someone with whom they are even more compatible and their second marriage has lasted decades longer than their first. If they had given up and decided never to fall in love again after their first marriage they would never have found their real true love.
Just because one person hurt you doesn’t mean the next person is going to do the same thing. Yes, love is risky. And yes, the next person you fall in love with may hurt you again. But the person who you are meant to spend the rest of your life with could very well be out there waiting for you. The only way you are guaranteed NOT to find that person is to give up.
You May Simply Be Missing That One Important Piece of Knowledge
In my 20s and early 30s I did some things that were guaranteed to chase guys away. Over the years I’ve accumulated the knowledge to know I can’t do those things anymore.
Now, though, I still have to battle against my natural tendency to want to give my boyfriend advice about his health. I write a lot of health articles, and I see all the research about what’s bad for you. And because I naturally care about my boyfriend I’m always tempted to give him health advice. Yet, because I’ve taken the time to read and learn about relationships I know that giving a man advice can only be done on a limited basis. So I do it sparingly.
There might be just one discovery about relationships and about yourself that if you made that discovery it could change everything. It could be the difference between your finding and keeping your true love.
In fact, that’s one of the reasons why I decided to host The Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce Mountain Retreat. Because speakers at the event will give you the knowledge to increase your chances of finding and keeping Mr. or Ms. Right and to make your second marriage last forever.
Because Each Situation In Life Leads Us to The Place We’re Meant to Be
In order to be ready to have a good relationship there are things we need to discover about ourselves first. Sometimes, the only way to discover these things is to attend The College of Heartbreak. Once we graduate from this institution we are more ready to have a healthy relationship the next time around.
Many years ago, I learned an important lesson at the College of Heartbreak. I had fallen in love with a man who wasn’t my type physically. After I knew him for more than a year I began to realize how funny he was and how interesting. At that point I became very attracted to him. We dated for a couple months but it didn’t work out. I was heartbroken when it ended. But it taught me an important lesson—that I should pay more attention to sense of humor than what I considered to be my type physically.
If it weren’t for that realization I would never have met my boyfriend, who I love very much. I would never have given him a chance because his online dating photo was really bad. Yet, the first email he sent me was really clever and funny. And when I had dinner with him he was fun and interesting and much better looking than in the photo. I became attracted to him and fell in love with him a number of dates later.
I’m very thankful for that lesson I learned many years ago from my past heartache because without it, my heart would not be so happy today.
Are you nervous about dating or wondering if you’re really ready to put yourself out there again? Click here to find out how you can feel more at peace and relaxed about dating after divorce.